Number 66
by vkay
Summary: After cutting off all connections, Heero finds himself following his emotions - right to Duo's door. Yet...is following emotions always the wisest thing to do? 1+2.


Hey guys! This is actually my first GW story, and although I wrote this a while back, I haven't had the courage to post it until now.  
Also, my friend, Fei (no, not Wufei) has been pestering my to write something for ages...so...  
Anyway, please review! Like any other author, we live on them!  
-vkay 

  
Number 66 

by vkay 

  
They say that I have no emotions.   
I didn't. 

They say that I am too cold towards others.   
I was. 

They say that I have a heart of stone.   
I did. 

They say that I am the Perfect Soldier.   
Heh, maybe... 

They say that nothing could break me.   
They were wrong. 

Yes, I was the unfeeling soldier throughout the bloody war that tormented the whole world   
and the colonies just one year ago. But this hard, stone exterior is breaking off me, bit   
by bit. And just now, the emotions in me are twisting, tumbling and doing backflips, blaring   
to my brain to somehow process it. Anticipation, excitement, nervousness...and the strongest   
of all: fear. 

I did not understand why my emotions brought me here. I mean, after the war, the five of us   
separated, and I made sure that I cut off all connections. I did not want to be found,   
especially by him. And if one of the others managed to grab hold of me, that would mean some   
association with him, and I did not want that. I could not have that. 

I remember at first how I was so frightened of the attachment that I felt towards him.   
Pairing up with him in those missions didn't help at all either. All my attempts of trying   
to ignore him failed, and he continued with his incessant blabbering. Even my threats lost   
its purpose. I was losing control. And I could not accept that. 

Which is why the end of the war meant the complete my release from him. I can forget my   
feelings. I can forget my constant wish to be with him. I can regain my mask of indifference.   
Or so I thought. 

My every thought seemed to link to him. As I continued with my daily routines, I can't   
forget his face, his voice, his smell, his beautiful hair. The silence at home provoked me   
to imagine his voice, continuing his mindless chatter. At work I would picture his form,   
gliding around the room with restlessness. At night, between the realm of sleep and wake,   
he would gently tickle me with the tip of his braid until I either fall asleep or wake up   
with a jerk, his image, an illusion, vanishing at my sudden consciousness. His being plagued   
my dreams, taunting me, forcing me to remember him each night as an eternal being...like a   
God...the God of Death. 

It seems that even when his presence was nowhere near me, I am still affected by him. I   
didn't even need to be near him to feel myself shattering, and feelings seeping through the   
cracks to control my actions. And I guess I had grown to becoming familiar with it, even   
though that was against my wishes. I have found myself doing things that was totally unlike   
me during the war. My effort to forget him only resulted in cherishing him more. Finally, a   
whole year since I had last saw him, my emotions decided to do something about it. And I   
followed them. I followed my emotions just as how I always tell others to do. And this lead   
to this stupid situation that is in front of me right at this moment. 

I'm scared of the door. Or rather, I'm scared of what's behind it. This is the last barrier   
before I'm faced with the object of my...torment. It's funny really...I didn't want them to   
find me, but here I am, looking for him out of my own free will. 

My emotions were rippling through me in uneven tides as I try to gather myself. I glared at   
the door as if it caused all the problems in my life. The gold numbers 66 only seemed to   
look back at me with laughter, the curl of the digits resembling twisted eyes. With another   
deep breath, I raised my hand the second time, poised in the position to knock. The first   
attempt had failed with me dropping my hand back down in the battle of logic and feelings.   
I narrowed my eyes and bit my bottom lip...before gravity decided to show off its force on   
me - again. 

I scolded myself silently as I clenched my fingers into a tight fist, the nails digging hard   
into my skin. I've already come so far, and I wasn't going to back out. I was determined to   
get it through, and a little fear was not going to stop me. I guess this is sort of a   
mission for me. 

With one swift motion, I lifted my fist and soundly, banged twice on the door. 

Through the rock and roll music, I picked up a "Just a second!" and the dropping of something   
metallic. My last chance to escape, but instead I waited silently, trying to hide how tense   
I was. 

My eyes flickered once more to the numbers that identified this apartment. Six...the number   
of Devils... 

The door swung open without warning, and there he was. He was clad in black t-shirt and jeans,   
covered with a white and blue checkered apron. His face matured nicely, but never losing the   
boyish innocence that was always within him. He gained height in the past year, but that did   
not occur to me as a surprise. He, after all, ate more than both the other pilots and myself   
put together. What did amaze me, though, was the amount that he had grown. I had to lift my   
head to catch his large eyes widening in surprise and recognition, in an immense pool of blue. 

"HEERO!" 

I barely had the time to react before he threw himself at me, his greasy apron pressing   
against my clothes, and his messy half-done braid swinging around to smack me on my bare arm   
as he gave me a large hug. His cheeks were pinning themselves to my ear, and his hair was   
poking at my face. But nevertheless, I enjoyed feeling him so close to me. Stiffly, I raised   
my arm to grasp his waist, in an attempt to return his gesture. Before long, though, just as   
I was getting comfortable, he pried off me, grinning at me widely. All of a sudden, he   
launched into his speech that I have been missing for...so long. 

"Wow! I can't believe that it's really you here! Me and the guys have been looking for you   
forever! Where have you been? I mean, we just totally lost contact with you that day and I   
guess you just completely caught me by surprise today. Oh, yes, come in! Come in!" He grabbed   
my hand and pulled me into his apartment. 

"Sorry it's a bit messy here, I don't usually clean up all the time, but you know how I am   
and anyway, I was just cooking lunch. Have you had lunch, Heero? Wow, you look quite thin.   
Haven't been feeding yourself very well eh? Well I'll fatten you up here. Sorry 'bout the   
music, it's really loud I know but I just love that song!" he continued, while switching off   
the stereo with a flick of the remote. The room plunged into silence for about two seconds,   
aside from the clamor of traffic below, emitting from the window of the apartment. 

"Oh, the couch is here," he started again, "TV - you can watch anything you want. And the   
bathroom is 'round the corner if you need to go. Sorry, but I think that my lunch is gonna   
burn if I don't..." he paused to sniff at the smell wafering from the direction I presume   
was the kitchen. "Shit!" 

He ran off, leaving me alone in the living room. I breathed a sigh of relief. Well, it's   
been going good so far. I let out a smile of contentment as his voice continued to rant;   
though his actual conversation is hard to pick up due to the distance and the noises he was   
making in the kitchen. I managed to catch a few words..."...today...over...my place..." 

I looked around. Remarkably, the furniture and walls were shades of white and green, despite   
his obsession with black. They were ordered in simple arrangement, comfortable for the   
person living here. The coffee table was littered with snacks and CD cases; with that as an   
exception, the place was quite well cleaned. 

This is quite a contrast to what he was like during the war, and I was the 'lucky' participant   
to room with him all the time. His clothing was everywhere...from the table, to his bed, to   
my bed. Anywhere but in the closet. I cannot help wondering what make him change his behavior.   
In fact, this room even had this...homey...family...sort of atomsphere. He even had pictures   
framed, placed symetrically on the wall. 

I stepped towards photos to examine them. The first was the five of us. I'm amazed that he   
still had that picture. It was taken right after all of us had recovered from the last of   
the wars, at one of Quatre's mansions. It was only a few days afterwards that I left them.   
I hadn't even gotten the chance to see this picture. Duo and Quatre, of course, were smiling   
broadly, Trowa and Wufei even smirking a little. I of course, was the exception, with the   
big scowl on my face. I don't know why he still kept this picture, since I had spoiled it   
with my exasperated look. 

The next photograph made me stiffen. He was with a girl. Someone that I was introduced to   
once before. Hilda? Hilde? The picture had the two with arms around each other, and the   
expression on their faces radiated pure happiness, even more than the usual smile that is   
plastered on his face. My heart stopped, and my vision blurred. 

I blinked and pried my eyes away from the picture, and took steady steps to the couch before   
sitting down. I picked up a CD case and flipped it over, in what I hoped was a casual gesture.   
I guess the first reaction is denial. Hard to admit, but at least it hides the jealousy -   
for a while anyway. Afterwards, I was overwhelmed with regret and sadness. I shouldn't have   
come here. It was a mistake. How stupid was I to think that there might even be a chance of   
Duo liking me back? Even with his long hair, it was obvious to everyone his masculinity, and   
his mischievous charms. I wasn't the only one who was attached to him, and I wasn't the one   
that he...needed. Hell, he probably didn't even like boys. 

At that instant Duo came bounding back into the room, and I hastily placed the CD case back   
to where it originally was. As I turned around I marvelled at his beauty. His everlasting   
happiness was always an enigma to me. How can he be so cheerful all the time? But that was   
just part of the reason why I lo-liked him so much. Mysterious, but carefree and...happy.   
But still not as happy as how he looked in the picture. He was positively beaming. My heart   
clenched again at the thought of someone else providing that happiness to him. 

"Have you had lunch yet, Heero?" he asked, interrupting my thoughts 

"Yes," I lied. I was too nervous before to even swallow a single thing. I hadn't had   
breakfast either, let alone lunch, but I wasn't hungry at all. I stood back up. Maybe I   
should leave. Obviously, he already...had someone else. 

I opened my mouth to inform him of my departure when a loud knocking on the door interrupted   
me. 

"Coming!" Duo gave me an apologetic smile before rushing for the door. Still standing at the   
same spot, I heard the door swing open, and Duo's loud voice. "Hilde!" 

There was a rush of excited yelps, followed by Duo's ever present voice. "...yeah, Heero   
came over. Do you think that it would be okay, Hilde, we just all..." The two nonchalantly   
strolled into my view. He had his arm around her, resting on her shoulder. My heart skipped   
a few beats, and my breath was choked in my throat . I can't take it anymore. Isn't it   
enough that he doesn't return my feelings? Did he have to display it to my face? Torment me,   
just like...just like the numbers on his door. Torment me...even though he had no idea how   
much I needed him. 

I began trembling slightly, and my fingers curled to their habitual position of a fist. I   
had to go. Now. 

Duo opened his mouth, preparing to introduce us for the second time, but I stepped up to him,   
and he stopped in his tracks. 

I stared into his eyes. They were bright with concern. I don't know what he saw in mine, but   
he seemed to let out a tiny gasp of surprise. I stood up on my toes, grasped his head with   
my hands, and placed a kiss on his forehead. 

"Goodbye, Duo. It was nice to see you again. Hilde." I nodded to her in acknowledgment. Then   
I brushed pass him, and ran out the door, barely aware that Duo was calling for me to wait.   
I rounded the corner, and instead of wasting my time for the lift, I opened the door to the   
staircase and hurriedly ran all the six floors down. 

My tears were flowing freely down my face, and I brushed them away with hate. Damn my   
emotions. If only I hadn't fallen in love. If only I hadn't followed it's instructions. If   
only I can't feel it so I wouldn't be hurting so much inside. So I wouldn't be crying for   
the first time in my life. So I can forget him. 

But he gave me the emotions. And even though he hurt me I would do anything to make him   
happy. 

Yes, they were definitely wrong - something did break me. The numbers 66. 

  
The End 


End file.
